Merry Christmas 2008

Adventurers discover fabled Lost City of WalMart

From Thanksgiving Day...

Man Steals Christmas, Demands Tribute on his "Birthday"

TROY, Mi -

Area man Christopher Eddie has been in a multi-day standoff with his own family about their Christmas tree.

"There won't be any 'Christmas Tree' in my house until after my birthday!" Said Mr. Eddie in a recent press conference. "If they want to put up a tree, fine. But it's mine until after my birthday! Jesus can have it when I am good and done with it!"

Mr. Eddie, presumed by experts to be in his mid-twenties based off his boyish good looks, went on to demand a tribute of presents on a day arbitrarily chosen as his birthday. "No, I won't tell you what to get me!" Said Mr. Eddie, when asked about presents.

"We used to give him Buddha-related gifts," said his wife Jamie. "But we've actually run out of stuff. We're really scrapping the bottom of the barrel," said Mrs. Eddie. She expects that Mr. Eddie will receive a novelty basketball jersey that says "Veggie Boy" and the CD 'Buddha on the Banjo: the Best Strummings of Sidhartha' from his son Miles and daughter Julia.

"I could have sworn that his birthday was the 17th -- the same day as D-Day!" Said Mr. Eddie's son, Max, who is wrong on both counts.

John Lennon's widow Yoko Ono declined to comment on her pending lawsuit against Mr. Eddie, whom she accuses of infringing on the copyright she holds over the day her husband was killed. This is the same day that Mr. Eddie claims to be his birthday.

Chris Eddie, pictured here liberating some food.