Dignity Handily Restored

Now that we have put the rumor to rest of my alleged mullet, it is time to address the next scar upon my reputation, which I was reminded of everytime some plastic packaging required a tool for opening, that being the Barbie Incident of 1991. The way I see it, I was nobly preventing such injury to other members of the family, particularly my sweet neice Karen whose Barbie it was. I'm sure that our human evolution is full of uncles who took the venom of an unfamiliar snake as they migrated to new lands in search of food, just to protect their neices, despite said neice's pornographic taste in wedding bouquets. Furthermore, I offer up excerpts from an Associated Press report today, titled "1,400+ injured in Turkey sacrificing animals during Muslim holiday":

Ankara, Turkey-- More than 1,000 Turks spent the first day of the Muslim feast of Eid al-Adha (translation Eddy hand injury) in emergency wards on Sunday after stabbing themselves or suffering other injuries while sacrificing startled animals...most suffering cuts to their hands and legs...

And in what makes my niece-protecting doll rescue seem an even wiser move, the article continues:

...Four people were severaly injured, crushed under the weight of large animals that fell on top of them, the agency reported. Another person was hurt when a crane used to lift an animal tumbled onto him, the agency said. Three other people suffered heart attacks and dies while trying to restrain animals...